Death of a Realtor as Accounted by Phone: A play in One Act
Day 01 10:00 am
Realtor: There is a problem with your new lovely apartment in plush Greenpoint Brooklyn, New York.
The Grubbykid: What problem is this?
R: The landlord does not like you: you don't have a job yet.
TG: Yes, I know that. This is why we have guarantees. I have to be in New York, to get a job. I have an interview - but I have to physically be there.
R: Yes, this is the problem: the rent and guaranteeing it.
TG: Yes, I know. So you are saying that we don't have an apartment?
R: Yes. But I have a lovely Railroad style down the block.
TG: Wait: what happened?
At this point the realtor begins to spout profanity about the landlord, and that she is sorry, and that she will find us a new place. Minutes pass - unintelligible Long Island babble ensures.
TG: OK - so there is no way to get this great apartment?
R: No.
TG: Let me figure something's out.
END SCENE
SCENE II - In car on the way to see grandparents and uncles. Passenger side is littered with phone numbers and maps of New York City.
Herself: Hi!
The Grubbykid: Hi - I need to ask a big favour.
H: Sure - what is it?
TG: Can you look at this other apartment, and call me back?
H: Sure - I have an interview and then I will go and see it.
MONTAGE OF SEEING GRANDMA, UNCLE AND AUNT - REPLAYING AND RETELLING OF THE LOST APARTMENT THREE TIMES OVER.
A PHONE CALL.
Herself: Hi - I saw the apartment.
The Grubbykid: How is it?
H: It is close, but unless you want to become intimately involved with your roommate, I would pass.
TG: Great! Well, thanks!
MONTAGE OF EATING DINNER, DRIVING HOME IN THE RAIN, AND FALLING ASLEEP.
END SCENE
SCNENE III
A BAR LOCATED IN THE DRY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. A PHONECALL ON A CELLPHONE.
The Grubbykid: Hello?
Roommate: OK - we can have the apartment. But it will be another $100 more a month.
TG: Wasn't this whole ordeal about how the landlord was worried about getting rent paid on time?
R: Yes.
TG: Why raise the rent
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This is the permanent home of Death of a Realtor as Accounted by Phone: A play in One Act. I wrote this post at 15:42 on September 5, 2003. This post is part of grubbykid.com, a weblog. If you liked this entry, why don't you read some other posts such as How to be a Hipster - Part 1 or Lower Manhattan? Or you could go to the site archives or return home. All are good choices.
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Some descriptive tags for this entry are: nyc commerce culture foolish fiction.
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Some descriptive tags for this entry are: commerce, culture, fiction, foolish, NYC.
Mommy... what's a tag?
